Let It Be: Learning to Let Go of What You Can't Control

So much of what weighs on us is outside our control: other people's choices, the weather, the past, the news, how things will turn out. And yet we often hold on tightly, replaying, worrying, trying to fix what can't be fixed.

Letting go isn't giving up. It's choosing where to put your energy. Here are some gentle ways to practise it.

1. Sort what you can and can't change

Take a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left, write Things I can influence. On the right, Things I can't.

Now write down what's on your mind. Your own actions, words and habits go on the left. Other people's opinions, the past, the weather, the economy and most of the future go on the right.

Then make a gentle decision: put your effort into the left side, and practise loosening your grip on the right.

2. Notice the "hold"

When you're holding on to something, the body usually shows it: a tight jaw, raised shoulders, a clenched stomach, shallow breathing. Next time you notice a worry, check in with your body. Where are you holding?

Then breathe out slowly and let that place soften, just a little. Letting go often begins in the body.

3. Say it simply

Short phrases can help when your mind keeps returning to something you can't change:

• This is out of my hands.
• I've done what I can.
• Let it be.
• I can come back to this later.

Say one quietly to yourself as you breathe out.

4. Write it, then close the page

If a thought won't leave you alone, write it down in full. Everything you're worried about, angry about or sad about. Then close the notebook, or tear out the page and fold it away. It's a small, physical way of saying "I've seen this, and I'm putting it down for now."

5. Come back to the present

Worry often lives in the future, and regret in the past. The present moment is usually more manageable. Try naming five things you can see, four you can hear, three you can touch. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice your breathing. You're here, now, and right now you're okay.

6. Watch something that lets go on its own

Nature is full of letting go: leaves falling, waves going out, the sun setting at the end of every day. Watching these things can be quietly comforting.

Our two-hour video Let It Be shows a still lake glowing pink and violet as the sun goes down, with soft, relaxing music for releasing stress:

▶ Watch Let It Be on YouTube

Play it in the evening and let the day go with the light.

7. Be patient with yourself

Letting go isn't a single moment. You might let something go in the morning and find yourself holding it again by lunchtime. That's normal. Each time you notice and loosen your grip, you're practising, and it gets a little easier.

When it's hard to let go

Some things are very hard to let go of: grief, painful experiences, ongoing worry. If you find yourself stuck in difficult thoughts most days, or if anxiety is affecting your sleep, work or relationships, please reach out to a doctor or counsellor. You deserve support.

In closing

You can't control the tide, but you can choose where you stand. Sort what's yours to carry from what isn't, soften your body, say a few kind words to yourself, and let the rest be.

For more on easing worry, read Simple Breathing Practices for a Calmer Day.

Ethnoscape Media shares content for relaxation, inspiration and general information. It is not medical or psychological advice. Please talk to a qualified professional about your health.